I Miss You..for lack of a better word

Never thought I would end up missing the very person i once so long ago wished to go away;
-who i wished wouldn't pull me from my homework everyday after school to play some silly little child's game;

-who i wished would leave me alone in my thoughts during the day for the reason that i used to like being at school before you came around and showed me another magical world that was only for us;

-who i pleaded with the gods to be just a little younger so my two favorite things could exist all day everyday: school and you

-who i wished would let me win just one game of basketball so that i could tease you just like you always teased me

-who i wished would realize that as we got older, those silly little child's games weren't fun anymore and that i had more important things to do

----------------------------------------------------------
but in reality, everyday after school, i would pretend to do my homework, still keeping an eye on the window waiting until you came running up to my door to ask if i could play. Then i would make up something along the lines of "well only for a little bit cuz i have homework," but on the inside jumping for joy that you came up and asked.

-and everyday at school, i tried to focus hard on school because then the time would go faster and the quicker i could get home and change into my play clothes and wait for you

-and i didnt want you to be younger because you gave me sense of protection when i was with you. that no one could touch me harm me, without getting through you

-and i never really wanted to win, for fear that if i ever did, you wouldnt want to play with me anymore.

and yes we did get older, undoubtedly. as you came back that summer with a deeper voice, more toned muscles, and even though i had always been a little taller than you, you somehow managed to reach about 5 inches above me. Yet you never lost the child in you..the one that kept me grounded. Even helping you through your troubles at home and troubles with girls i sometimes thought that it was wasting my time...but when i wouldnt see you for lengths of time i would yearn for those moments even if it was just us staring at the ground not knowing what to say. But the point that i now realize is that all those days playing outside when the childish demeanor of the game floated away with the years, YOU were behind my every move, every homework assignment, every late night basketball game. And then when i finally reaized that it was ME who brought you to play everyday, it clicked. And now that all our time has run dry i find myself missing not the person i wished to escape, but the person i wished i could escape with.


"I keep your note in my pocket everyday I train, everyday I relax, and everyday I go into battle, just for the sake that I might lose the memory of us..the memory of better days."
You may not know it, but your basketball still lays in my garage.

Notice Me

I'm doing all I can to be yours
I'm making all these plans
For you to understand
I notice you...
please notice me too..

everyone check out "The Adrian William Project" on Myspace or Youtube. :D

Maybe it's Not My Weekend

But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass
as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy
I don't want to waste another minute here

I wanna feel weightless
Cause that would be enough.

A Lonely Nation

Summer's been good so far but the noises of the stampede called college can be heard louder and closer every day we near towards our departure of this little bubble called Chino Hills. Bring it, cuz I finally feel like I'm ready to face the music.



"Singing without tongues
Screaming without lungs
I want more than my lonely nation
I want more than my lonely nation
Desperate we are young
Seperate we are one
I want more than my desperation
I want more than my lonely nation"

First Glimpse of The Sun

physically and metaphorically in today's case.
With school being out for summer i can only hope we make this one last. Seeing the seniors one by one slip out of our grasp makes our seemingly never-ending high school career a few short months away from ending, as theirs did just a few days ago. But seeing the first sunlight of summer today made me realize that the people in my life will never be truly gone, our out of reach. Going through the pain of losing a best friend who was a senior last made it easier this year to say "goodbye" (for lack of a better term) to my friends this year. knowing theyre only a phone call, text message, or IM away is comforting.
To all the seniors that will be joining the real world, i want to tell you that you've left big shoes to fill and have ignited this spark in me to really go after what i want in life. You've taught me that nothing is out of my reach, and that the comfort we found in each never goes away. you've been such an inspiration to all us underclassmen and i wish you the best of luck in college.

As for the rest of us...well I think we are all ready for our senior year. already we're making plans on how to have the time of our lives. As long as we don't lose sight of the fact that our last day is inching closer and closer, i know we'll make the moments last. with everything set aside i hope by the end of our time here in chino hills, we can unanimouslt say that what we did here has become the rock of our lives, and through all the dumb mistakes, fights, and long summer nights that we stayed out knowing the grounding we would recieve in the morning, and we did it with no regrets.
so with the first glimpse of sunlight today, i hope we've all witnessed the first glimpse of unforgettable memories our future with each other will bring.

Realization

of:
1) a history final tomorrow that i am most certainly NOT prepared for
2) a history project due the day after that that is most certainly NOT done
3) i have been living my life in a way that i am most certainly NOT satisfied with
and
4) The change that i have most certainly been afraid of will become the change i most certainly canNOT live without and will ignite my life starting today.



"One day you'll look back at these days and say damn, what was i thinking...but in reality you werent thinking. Which made those days the best of our lives."

the truth about the world.

Whosoever wishes to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details.
Knowledge is not intelligence.
In searching for the truth be ready for the unexpected.
Change alone is unchanging.
The same road goes both up and down.
The begining of a circle is also its end.
Not I, but the world says it: all is one.
And yet everything comes in season.

Death of a Salesman

will end up becoming "Death of an Overworked English AP Student" by the time I'm done. -.-

*

grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Now

the truth has made itself evident...maybe i've known all along, but now that the hard facts are there, recieved straight from the source, i can't help but ask why these new found truths didnt make themselves present earlier..i know it was in the plan, but lately i've been questioning even the surest paths in life. so now im left with confusion..once again.


"Once i told a friend that maybe that one guy was right in front of me all along...here's to being obliviously right..for once."

Sweet Sweet Summer

we have 11 more school days and the freedom is finally ours..I tried to put summer in my own words but Jenna put it best:


Late nights. Footprints in the sand. Cothes smelling like bonfires from the night before. Spontaneous plans, and things that have been planned forever. Movie nights, game nights. Running with the rise of the sun. Skimming down the beach without a worry. Walking around the city at night. Pool parties and barbecues. Shorts and tank-tops. Road trips. Summer songs. Sunglasses. The smell of sunscreen. Tan lines. Driving with the top down. Salt and Sand. Freedom. Sleepovers. Concerts. Rolling down hills in the grass. Being with friends all of the time. Taking pictures and developing film. Growing up. Meeting new people. Flings. Laughing until oxygen is hard to find. Projects. Counting down till senior year. Adventures. Unknowns.

Summer.

Can't wait.. =]

"And it was summer

dont hide your sunburn

wear that shirt thats cut so low

i know you loved her

but couldn't trust her

so lets take this extra slow

sleeping in and we're nowhere near the weekend

waking up in a basement with my best friends

we chased our dreams from 9-5

but when the sun went down was when we felt alive."

Seventeen Ain't So Sweet

Good news: I'm not 16 anymore

Bad news: 17 sucks

Good news: Prom on my birthday

Bad news: It SUCKED.

i won't go into detail but basically certain people..scratch that..ONE PERSON..ruined my night..not entirely but for the most part it my suckish night would be due to him.

On the upside, him being an asshole allowed me to dance and have fun with the coolest guys on the planet haha..mainly Kenny..thanks Kenny =D..and In n Out after was good good good..making fun of jenna was good good good..THE LIMO WAS BOOOMB!!! hahaa..after party was cool too..dont really remember much of it but..LOL..jk jk =P..

but i just want to thank everyone in our group for prom BESIDES HIM that made my seventeenth birthdday special =D..all of you looked amazing =P..time is going by so fast now..i remember when i would go out with my family to a restaurant when i was younger and see a bunch of people out to dinner all dressed up for prom and thinking wow..theyre so old..but lucky lol..and now thats us..which is kinda weird..but mostly depressing =P..anyways..looking forward to next years prom for sure..lets let the good times roll!

"Seventeen is just a test,

Yeah and I would recommend

That you live with no regrets

And even if it seems

Like the world is crashing on you

You shouldn't let it hold you down

There's a fire in your eyes

And I hope you let it burn

There's a scream in your voice

And I hope you will be heard

There's a fire in your eyes

And I hope you let it burn until your heard."

Motivate 2009

Some say the youth of the world don't know true accomplishment and success until they've endured the long days and nights filled with agonizing hard work and adversity. I say not.

This year for the drumline will not only go down in history amongst ourselves, but it will live on as a legacy throughout the world of drumline across the nation. The groups we once looked up to are now looking up to us..what we've gone through to get to this point has definitely been tough, but we went through it together..the core of us have been drumming together for 5+ years..we grew up together, got our talent from each other, and created such a bond that we knew was special since the first note we played together.

Looking back on the year in the Drumline/Band perspective, i don't think it could have come at a better time. With our field show revolving around the concept of ONE, and how we must be banded as a unit to achieve everything we dreamed of achieving, we were able to show off how far weve come together. The with our Drumline show being motivate, where one person can end up "making a difference for better or worse," I was forced to reflect back to the time when i only dreamed of being on the snare line with Nikko one day. And we achieved the most respect we could have asked for. After our finals performance, not just ordinary people, but also some of the most prestigious and well-known innovators of the drumline world were coming up to us saying how amazing we performed and gave special recognition to the snare line who was one of the best theyve ever seen.

Going into our final performance, we knew this was it. the last time we would do a "shay pray", or give each other that extra boost of courage to go in front of 10,000 people to show them what we can do. stepping into that arena, with people cheering for you alone only made me be proud of how far we've come; together. and with the last note of our final performance, we knew..we felt it..it was the show and the feeling none of us will ever forget..looking up at the crowd seeing 10,000 people give you a standing ovation, all the hard work didnt even matter..we did it guys we did it. after that we didnt care if we medaled, because we had that performance and feeling to remember for the rest of our lives.. but as jeremy came over to me and brett, as he placed the medals around our necks we looked at each other and knew we had done it; together none the less. On the way back to the hotel i stated :

"Iwish i could just capture that feeling, at the end of that show, and just remember it forever."

alex repiled: "its around your neck..that medal holds each of us and what we felt together."

those words i will never forget and have ultimately motivated me to "be the change i wish to see in the world."

So with this season already at an end all i have is a word of thanks to all the seniors and people who have gotten us to where we are today..3rd in the world aint too shabby huh? No long speech is needed to describe what we felt..it was left in the arena that day, and we'll never forget it.

Holy Crap..

i havent posted in a LOOOOONG time..so much has happened...its funny how things can erupt so quickly when you thought they were deemed permantly dormant...shows how much we know..everyday we're fooled by the game of life that we thought we had all figured out..time to set things straight..here i go diving back into the realms of my everchanging teenage life.

p.s. there will be many posts tonight =D..i know you missed me =P


"True courage isn't the absence of fear; its the will to face it."

and tonight marks 12

twelve: the number of hours it took us to muster up the courage to introduce ourselves that summer weekend in August, giving me the rest of the night on a quiet beach with you to find out i might just, in the near future, irrevocably fall in love you.


tonight's subject: the parental units

him: how do you say hi in wrinkly? is it -___- or something?

her: HAHAHA..actually its just: "andrew = meany butt face"..LOL...owned. =P

him: ouch..im gonna go cry myself to sleep now..thanks.

her: =O! dont cry yourslef to sleep!..=[..i was kidding..cuz i knew u were gonna use sarcasm to make me feel bad..but really..please don't cry..haha =P

him: wow. u know me too well =]

her: haha..ur easy to figure out..plus you find some way to use sarcasm in every convo we have lol so im used to it =]

him: yup. im pretty easy to figure out most of the time =P but i bet you never actually know what im gonna say

her: lol..yeah thats true. everytime i get a text i just laugh cuz i never see that kind of text coming lol..nd then my mom makes fum of me cuz im laughing at my fone.

him: lol. do your parents know about me?..like that we text?

her: haha my mom does

him: lol. but your dad doesnt right? that would be really weird..and scary..

her: yeah.. it would be extremely weird if he knew..he just knows that were friends =]

him: ok..haha for now thats good..it would be extremely awkward if he ever asked me about it..

her: i honestly dont think my dad would care lol..but yeah..i dont think i should test him =P

him: im not worried about u. im worried about me..he probably wouldnt say anything but it would still be weird..ur dads kinda scary sometimes

her: i know..even though he's my dad he scares me too o.O..but he would probably just tease you..nothing too drastic i hope..lol. hes cool when it comes to my friends and he likes you so you dont need to worry =]

him: ya..but like you said..id rather not test it for now..

her: haha for sure =P..i could actually tell him right now..he's helping me make chocolate chip cookies =D..JKJK..never ever..=P

him: so ur embarrassed of me?..thanks nicole =[

her: =O! im not embarrassed of you! ur the one who said we shouldnt test it lol..i said hes cool with my friends..but cuz your scared i guess i wont tell him =]

him: i know..im just giving you a hard time..as usual =P

her: yes..as usual..-__-..now your gonna make fun of my wrinkly face..go ahead..ill just take in ur making fun of me..as usual.

him: lol..no i would never make fun of you to make you sad! i was gonna say kjfvnofeujnoeurf..i bet you didnt expect that!

her: ..HAHAHA you never fail to amaze me with your texts LOL..threw me a curveball there my friend =P

him: i try..=]

her: ..and most of the time fail..hahaha jkjkjkjk..=D

him: wow...my sarcasm is rubbing off on you lol

her: haha..unfortunately..i dont wanna turn into a mean face like you =P

him: at least i dont stick my tongue in your face

her: ok mister..were gonna clear this up once and for all..u have a problem with sarcasm and i have a problem with sticking my tongue out at people..yet we still talk to each other for some reason cuz we get a kick out of each other's hilariousness..LOL..dang im good at this analyzing stuff =D

him: lol..i think its just common sense =]..just saying..were talking for a reason right? haha theres your common sense right there..and maybe i like getting tongue in my face!

her: im too cool for common sense lol..and if you say u like it then i take that as permission for me to continue to do it so here: =P..=P..=P..=P..LOL..UR FUNNAY

him: lol. why thank you..ok well as much as i would love to talk about tongues and our hilariousness all night i think i should probably go to bed. talk to you later k? goodnight nicole =]

her: haha..okaaay..=T..lol.. gnite andrew =]

10 nights

equals 10 million seconds of a free-spirited feeling of young love =P

him: I've been wondering wats with the -___- thing?

her: its hard to explain haha..just imagine my face looking like that LOL

him: Ok..Im trying..so are they supposed to be like wrinkles? JKJK

her: No! - thats an eye and this is the mouth ___ see?! -___-

him: I was just kidding. i like to mess around with you LOL

her: now your the meany..u meany haha =P

him: Yup. but your still meaner >=(

her: am not you poophead haha..thats your new name LOL

him: Well your wrinkle face then HAHA

her: this is not a wrinkle face --> -____-...

him: then im not a poophead =P

her: ok fine. your not a poophead. =]

him: and your definitely not a wrinkle face =)

her: haha..now your being all nice cuz im not calling you poophead anymore =P

him: Dont stick ur tongue out at me missy!

her: haha I'll do what i want mister!
=P =P
=P=P
=PLOL!

him: =( im crying now bcuz your a big meany person who sticks her tongue out at me

her: DONT CRY!! =[..it makes me sad when your sad..

him: its ok..im just kidding you could never make me sad =]

her: =]..im glad..cuz you could never make me sad either =P

him: well i think its time we head to bed..=(

her: ok..we'll talk tomorrow though?

him: for sure =D..goodnight licking sleeping wrinkly face ;]

her: goodnight poophead ;]

going..going..you guessed it..i'm GONE.

a new feeling has reached the innermost part of her soul

a feeling she's sure she's felt before but in a way this new one leaves her with a sense of unknown

this sense of questiong keeps pulling her back to the supplier of the feeling like a powerful addicting drug

the drug isnt bad at all..in fact harmless..innocent..for now.

as she becomes lost in the feeling she's longed for all these years she starts to wonder if this could be the end of a long journey thats consumed her every thought for virtually every second of her timeless consciousness of a thing called love.

the fact that he, the supplier of this new found feeling, has become what she stays up for at night and loses much needed sleep over, has now become the single object that is responsible for the rebirth of a brighter outlook on the corrupted place they were placed in

he has awakened the previously dormant heart that she knew was meant to beat long and hard for another soul that held a paralleled heart beating for someone like her.

the motivation she has acquired from him, has provided for her the strength she needed to be herself..as she was hidden behind the bubble of fearing reality.

so she may be lost, and distracted by this so called hero of her awakened heart, but for once she's confident in herself, ready to face the world and the people that have constantly shot her down.

It is for these reasons alone that she has decided to claim herself gone from the past as she journeys on with him to a better and more fulfilling sense of belonging.

So as a message from the once broken-hearted and narrow-minded girl:

I hope I'M NEVER COMING BACK..

KARMA.

is to be blamed for my current state of mind..




"sometimes we hide in order to see who would take the time to find us."

Once Again..

I'm lost..lost in the ever-changing waves of my emotions and my stupid mistakes. Why are we so vulnerable to the wrongs in life. They may seem simple, but the reprocautions are all but little. I guess its time to once again evaluate myself and why I act the way I act.

Brian, that penny sure would come in handy right about now..

ninety-two

treacherous days that stand between me and the freedom we all are in great need of..i need some motivation here people..-___-


"Cuts on paper hearts
They can be awful deep
Lips from wear and tear on different city streets
Don't all need a home, but just a place to sleep
And still she finds that every time she runs
She leaves behind another piece of her
On every city street
So I will run
Until my feet don't touch the ground
And as the waves carry me out
Keep listening"

time change

equals an inch closer to the freedom of SUMMER... long summer days at the beach with the besties...endless nights doing stuff only summer would allow..sigh..let the countdown begin:

96 days till the time of our lives begins

the way i see it

you gotta live each day as a fresh start, cuz if you hold on to what might happen or what has happened, your day is jacked. everyday begins a new paragraph of your life and each paragraph needs to be better than the last so to speak. going through high school isnt about searching for anything, its about FINDING things..clues to who you're meant to be; people that you arent able to live without; and maybe someone who you can share your life with at the time being. ultimately, if you spend your time looking for an intangible object...well my friend good luck. because i am now spending my time enjoying what i have been blessed with. im tired of fighting for you, and im tired of dwelling on pain from the past, present and pain that has yet to come. here's to letting the good times roll and having the time of our lives while it lasts. cuz before we know it, we'll be going our separate ways and holding on to a couple of texts, a few emails and rare get togethers..

lets make our time with each worth while for the sake of these established friendships that i could not have survived without. so this post i dedicate to all those who have gotten me through the roughest times when i thought i wouldn't be able to dig myself out a treacherous hole; to all those who've i've created a bond with through the experience of music, for the times and performances we are a part of now will never be forgotten; and finally to all those who have stood by me even when i was stubborn and thought i could do it on my own. this last goodbye to anything stopping me from having the time of my life is dismissed with raised glasses and a cheers to the many unforgettable memories to come.

All At Once

"you're" so naive. here's a few words of advice:


"There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out"

jEaLoUsY

has never ever been something ive had to worry about. but now..

well thats a different story.

im not sure why i feel it to this extent or its significance but its not a pleasant feeling.


if only you knew the extent to which i feel this something
for you and only you, youve completely altered my universe
its been set on me like a curse
to not have you would be the worst..

I Think "You" Know..

nuff said...

one person has flipped my world upside down...again

for once i am speechless. usually i can find a way for myself to escape these kind of situations..but this one is a tad more complicated than past ones. it consists of 2 very difficult, and emotionally demanding parts..i've completed the easier of the two..so to speak. but the final piece to solving the situation can bring on so much more chaos that i wonder if its even worth it..so for the time being, i turn to a song..as always =P


"I swear that you don't have to go, I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms and spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you

Too late, I'm sure, and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now, against me
You know the words, so sing along for me
For Heaven's sake, I know you're sorry, but you wont stop denying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying, with my heart beside me,
in shattered pieces that, may never be replaced
And if I died right now, you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across your key
Or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us, not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I give my heart as an offering

And I will always remember you as, you are right now to me
And I will always remember you now
So sleep alone tonight
With no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight
How does it feel?
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you, I want to
But I can't forget you
So when this is over, don't blow your composure
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you, I want to.."

Back At Square One

is my present state of being.

My trust is lost in people i hold dearest to me, and the people who love me more then anyone on this earth have lost trust and respect for me...just when i thought i was getting back on track..

finding confidence and a hand to hold in someone was an idea i never really got used to until about 2 weeks ago...he taught me how to reopen my heart and let the people that care back in..no more fake fasade, no more transparent emotions. most importantly, he taught me how to be me.

and now i hope i don't fail him by letting this new found obstacle get the best of me..don't give up on me yet. i'll come out strong, if you'll stay by my side. if only i could express how much you've given my life..maybe then you'll see.

but for now, i really am back at square one....time to let go and let god.

-note to brian

where words fail, music speaks.. its for this reason that i post lyrics in my blog =]

She was given the world
So much that she could'nt see
And she needed someone
To show her who she could be

And she tried to survive
Wearing her heart on her sleeve
But i needed you to believe

You had your dreams, I had mine
You had your fears, I was fine
It showed me what I could find
When two different worlds collide

She was scared of it all
Watching from far away
And she was given a role
Never knew just when to play

And she tried to survive
Living her life on her own
Always afraid of the throne
But you've given me strength to find hope

You had your dreams, I had mine
You had your fears, I was fine
It showed me what I could find
When two different worlds collide

She was scared, unprepared
And lost in the dark, falling apart
I can survive with you by my side
We're gonna be alright
This is what happens when two different worlds collide


- "Two Worlds Collide"; Demi Lovato

reply to brian's "pie"

if pie is like life, what happens when its been eaten by the greedy aspects of this world? are we re-baked..or do we simply die inside..is that what we refer to as a burnout?..i'd like to know..becuase i think that time has come for me..there's nothing left but a few aimless crumbs..how do you recreate your pie?..cuz im not ready to be thrown away with an empty plate..

if you're out there

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late

We've been looking for a song to sing
Searched for a melody
Searched for someone to lead
We've been looking for the world to change
If you feel the same
Then go on and say

If you're out there
Sing along with me
If you're out there
I'm dying to believe that you're out there
Stand up and say it loud
If you're out there
Tomorrow's starting now

No more broken promises
No more call to war
Unless it's love and peace that we're really fighting for
We can destroy hunger
We can conquer hate
Put down the arms and raise your voice
We're joining hands today

Oh I was looking for a song to sing
I searched for a leader
But the leader was me
We were looking for the world to change
We can be heroes
Just go on and say

If you're ready we can shake the world
Believe again
It starts within
We don't have to wait for destiny
We should be the change that we want to see

If you hear this message, wherever you stand
I'm calling every woman, calling every man
We're the generation
We can't afford to wait
The future started yesterday and we're already late


"If You're Out There"-John Legend

and the world goes on

Obama...is president today. i feel a sense of new begining for our country. just wish i could say the same for myself. i've fallen into a hole that has pulled my soul down into the depths of no return.. this isnt like me..i'm better than this. so why can't i get back out and on with my life like i'm supposed to be living it. so many hands are reaching out to me...so many ladders have swung over the edge to help me out..but why can't i just reach back, or climb out. right now, this moment in time i don't see one ounce of "nicole" in what i've accomplished this year...so here i am..asking one more time for you to keep reaching out..i need your help now more than ever..

i need my life back.

for once..just once..try to understand.

so here i stand, heart in hand, ready to tell you everything i've wanted you to know...don't hesitate to push the subject because i'm stubborn. if you haven't already figured it out, then keep asking and eventually you'll see..that you're the one who understands, that relates, that gives me hope of a better future, and ultimately makes me confident in myself. once you realize, i hope its not too late. too late for us to try something that can turn out to be something we've both wanted for a long time. you're pretty sure of what you want..as am i. the element thats missing is if our wantings belong in the same puzzle..do they fit? we don't know..we can only test the waters. i'll be frank..i'm scared of those waters that create a blurred line between our friendship and something more. but that blurred line carries over into how i look at you. i haven't quite figured you out yet, but that's the beauty of us. we can take all the time in the world to figure each other out so we can find out if we belong. and if not, no harm done. we're too strong to throw away what we have regardless of how messy things get. so we're left to think...wondering why, how, and if only..but the time to think is over my friend. now is the time to act. life's to short to spend your time on analyzing every aspect of life. we just have to jump into this big pool of mysteries and pray that we come out with an answer that will hopefully get us closer to finding who we are.
so this is a warning to you my friend, the subject of this blog, that i will no longer spend my time wondering about the what ifs and if onlys..i'm ready to act. i just hope for once..just once..you'll try to understand.

so this so called friday night farewell has now become a hello that will last forever.

no day but today

"The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn

There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.

No other road
No other way
No day but today

There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what is right

No other course
No other way
No day but today

I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be

There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear

No other path
No other way
No day but today"

luck..

mine has OFFICIALLY run out completely...



"Now i'm starting to realize that getting lost in your eyes
was the worst move, you win and i lose.."

ChAnGiNg

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
-Alan Cohen


i need the power to change.




"This is how change happens, though. It is a relay race, and we're very conscious of that, that our job really is to do our part of the race, and then we pass it on, and then someone picks it up, and it keeps going. And that is how it is. And we can do this, as a planet, with the consciousness that we may not get it, you know, today, but there's always a tomorrow."-Alice Walker

show me the sign of a better tomorrow before i fall into the unescapable pit of consuming and regretful old habits.

today

is the 17th birthday of

Brian Abzandro Uribe

so this post of dedicated to him =D

haha

hmmmm...

"I tell you everything that is really nothing,
and nothing of what is everything,
do not be fooled by what I am saying.
Please listen carefully and
try to hear what I am not saying." ~Charles C. Finn

another heart calls

Do you remember when we didn't care?
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all?
Another heart calls

I remember when we stole the night
We'd lie awake dreaming 'til the sun would wash the sky

Just as soon as I see you
Didn't I didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you
You wanna leave it all

What can I do
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Talk to me
I'm throwing myself in front of you
This could be the last mistake that I would ever want to do
All I ever do is give
It's time you see my point of view

Just as soon as I see you
Didn't I didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you
You want to leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
All you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do
Say It's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

I'm sorry
So what?
But you don't think I've said enough
I'm sorry
I don't care
You were never there

Just as soon as I see you
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you
You wanna leave it all
What can I do?
Say it's true
Everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
All you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you



"Another Heart Calls" -All American Rejects: When the World Comes Down

you'll be my hero if you do this duet with me =D

CiRcLeS

drumline practice today...1-9..not too much tends to stick in my mind from an all day @$$-beating. but today was different. i came out of practice with something jeremy said to us:

"A circle is a game of inches."

got me thinking.. alot of things in this world are comprised of circles. even the world itself is a circle. but what does that quote really mean?

in a circle, everything is perfected..no random lines, no diconnected figures. its every inch of a bended line coming together to form the definite shape. so jeremy's right. it's a game of inches. every inch has to be perfect. every aspect correctly placed in order to create a magnificient outcome:

the circle of life for example...every stage of life has to take place in order for the circle to continue. all have to live, and all have to die.

the world was made as a circular sphere for a reason. everything must coexist on the planet to achieve that harmoneous peace we long for. If one little piece is corrupted we all fall with it.

so i guess something worth while can come out of 8 hours of pain..haha..who knew..just a thought for the day =]

until next time =]

TrOUbLe

this is courtesy of "trouble" by nevershoutnever!.
-i fell in love the first time i heard it on jenna's profile =] and it made me think of a current situation. so i decided to tweak it a little bit to best suit me..here i go =P

I'm in trouble
I'm an addict I'm addicted to this boy
He's got my stomach in a knot
And my heart filled with joy
But even worst I can't stop thinking that
He's all I want and more I mean Damnn
Whats not to adore
I've been playing too much guitar
I've been listening to jazz I text so many times
He probably thinks I'm going mad
And that cellular-er
Will be the death of us I swear, I swear

And oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oooh, oooh, oooh
I'm running my mouth like he hasn't caught on
But maybe he's not
But He's so-o-o-o-o-o-o
ROCK AND ROLL
And out of my league
Is he out of my league?
Let's hope he doesn't catch on

I'm in trouble
I'm so cliche
See that word just wares me out
Makes me feel just like another girl
To laugh and joke about
But even worse I can't stop seeing him
With me in my mind
But honestly, he's a true one of a kind

I've been playing to much guitar
I've been listening to jazz
I text so many times
He probably thinks I'm going mad
And that cellular-er
Will be the death of us I swear I swear

And oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oooh, oooh, oooh
I'm running my mouth like he hasn't caught on
But maybe he's not
But he's so-o-o-o-o-o-o
ROCK AND ROLL
And out of my league
Is he out of my league?
Let's hope he doesn't catch on



-there you have it. i think it's pretty self=explanatory =D

2009

So 2008 is finally done.
What's next? i sure as heck don't know
but i can honestly say im excited for the unknown
excited for the adventures that destiny will spit out
as we walk down our path of life.
i'm not scared. for once i'm confident in the friends i'm entering this new year with.
so this post is dedicated to my few friends that have made my past year and life worth living.
2009 will be our year to show the world that we will not cower in the face of our problems but confide in the strong pillars of our friendships
you guys have made me see the beauty in life
through the good times and bad your presence has made an unforgettable difference in my life.
I raise my glass to you this coming year and journey that we will embark on to find ourselves.
best wishes to everyone in '09.


"Be the change you wish to see on the world." -Gandhi