I Miss You..for lack of a better word

Never thought I would end up missing the very person i once so long ago wished to go away;
-who i wished wouldn't pull me from my homework everyday after school to play some silly little child's game;

-who i wished would leave me alone in my thoughts during the day for the reason that i used to like being at school before you came around and showed me another magical world that was only for us;

-who i pleaded with the gods to be just a little younger so my two favorite things could exist all day everyday: school and you

-who i wished would let me win just one game of basketball so that i could tease you just like you always teased me

-who i wished would realize that as we got older, those silly little child's games weren't fun anymore and that i had more important things to do

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but in reality, everyday after school, i would pretend to do my homework, still keeping an eye on the window waiting until you came running up to my door to ask if i could play. Then i would make up something along the lines of "well only for a little bit cuz i have homework," but on the inside jumping for joy that you came up and asked.

-and everyday at school, i tried to focus hard on school because then the time would go faster and the quicker i could get home and change into my play clothes and wait for you

-and i didnt want you to be younger because you gave me sense of protection when i was with you. that no one could touch me harm me, without getting through you

-and i never really wanted to win, for fear that if i ever did, you wouldnt want to play with me anymore.

and yes we did get older, undoubtedly. as you came back that summer with a deeper voice, more toned muscles, and even though i had always been a little taller than you, you somehow managed to reach about 5 inches above me. Yet you never lost the child in you..the one that kept me grounded. Even helping you through your troubles at home and troubles with girls i sometimes thought that it was wasting my time...but when i wouldnt see you for lengths of time i would yearn for those moments even if it was just us staring at the ground not knowing what to say. But the point that i now realize is that all those days playing outside when the childish demeanor of the game floated away with the years, YOU were behind my every move, every homework assignment, every late night basketball game. And then when i finally reaized that it was ME who brought you to play everyday, it clicked. And now that all our time has run dry i find myself missing not the person i wished to escape, but the person i wished i could escape with.


"I keep your note in my pocket everyday I train, everyday I relax, and everyday I go into battle, just for the sake that I might lose the memory of us..the memory of better days."
You may not know it, but your basketball still lays in my garage.

Notice Me

I'm doing all I can to be yours
I'm making all these plans
For you to understand
I notice you...
please notice me too..

everyone check out "The Adrian William Project" on Myspace or Youtube. :D

Maybe it's Not My Weekend

But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass
as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy
I don't want to waste another minute here

I wanna feel weightless
Cause that would be enough.

A Lonely Nation

Summer's been good so far but the noises of the stampede called college can be heard louder and closer every day we near towards our departure of this little bubble called Chino Hills. Bring it, cuz I finally feel like I'm ready to face the music.



"Singing without tongues
Screaming without lungs
I want more than my lonely nation
I want more than my lonely nation
Desperate we are young
Seperate we are one
I want more than my desperation
I want more than my lonely nation"

First Glimpse of The Sun

physically and metaphorically in today's case.
With school being out for summer i can only hope we make this one last. Seeing the seniors one by one slip out of our grasp makes our seemingly never-ending high school career a few short months away from ending, as theirs did just a few days ago. But seeing the first sunlight of summer today made me realize that the people in my life will never be truly gone, our out of reach. Going through the pain of losing a best friend who was a senior last made it easier this year to say "goodbye" (for lack of a better term) to my friends this year. knowing theyre only a phone call, text message, or IM away is comforting.
To all the seniors that will be joining the real world, i want to tell you that you've left big shoes to fill and have ignited this spark in me to really go after what i want in life. You've taught me that nothing is out of my reach, and that the comfort we found in each never goes away. you've been such an inspiration to all us underclassmen and i wish you the best of luck in college.

As for the rest of us...well I think we are all ready for our senior year. already we're making plans on how to have the time of our lives. As long as we don't lose sight of the fact that our last day is inching closer and closer, i know we'll make the moments last. with everything set aside i hope by the end of our time here in chino hills, we can unanimouslt say that what we did here has become the rock of our lives, and through all the dumb mistakes, fights, and long summer nights that we stayed out knowing the grounding we would recieve in the morning, and we did it with no regrets.
so with the first glimpse of sunlight today, i hope we've all witnessed the first glimpse of unforgettable memories our future with each other will bring.

Realization

of:
1) a history final tomorrow that i am most certainly NOT prepared for
2) a history project due the day after that that is most certainly NOT done
3) i have been living my life in a way that i am most certainly NOT satisfied with
and
4) The change that i have most certainly been afraid of will become the change i most certainly canNOT live without and will ignite my life starting today.



"One day you'll look back at these days and say damn, what was i thinking...but in reality you werent thinking. Which made those days the best of our lives."

the truth about the world.

Whosoever wishes to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details.
Knowledge is not intelligence.
In searching for the truth be ready for the unexpected.
Change alone is unchanging.
The same road goes both up and down.
The begining of a circle is also its end.
Not I, but the world says it: all is one.
And yet everything comes in season.